Ever notice how it's the little things in life that amuse us so much? More to the point, ever notice how it's the silly little idiocies in life that amuse us more than anything else? Well, this is not as much ''the little blog that could'' as it is ''the blog that enjoys going up the down escalator in your local mall.'' Will it have anything of real importance? No, probably not. But enjoy the ride never the less!

 



And at the risk of sounding like a Mortal Kombat game: it has begun. This past week has seen our store’s official beginning of the Back To School season, wherein we did multiple small rearrangings of the store, contended with a lot of shipment boxes and saw a higher than usual crowd of people (typically with multiple kids in tow) coming in.

Normally this wouldn’t have been too much of a problem--this year I’ve staffed us up the proverbial wazoo--but we also had to contend with the week before that…wherein we also had to do multiple *large* rearrangings of the store, contended with an unholy mess of shipment boxes and still saw a higher than usual crowd of people.

Honestly now, we did not need to get 80 boxes for just one day. Now before you call me on whining too much, bear in mind we get shipments every Monday through Friday. And those 80 boxes showed up on a Wednesday. Yep…for the two days before and the two days after those 80 boxes smashed into us, we were already being clobbered by roughly 50 boxes each day.

I swear, I spent most of that week doing only 3 things: opening boxes, trying to figure out how to rearrange our stockroom to actually fit everything from those boxes, and then switching our wall displays around to accommodate the impending BTS season.

Happily, I’m not as burned-out exhausted as I ended up being by this time last year, but I’ve definitely been really bloody tired after every shift I’ve finished for the past straight fifteen days. Hence the more than slight lapse in updates, and my general need to curl up on the couch and be anti-social since all my remaining energy’s gone into simply fighting to stay awake. (At times a winner has been me, and at other times…well, 10pm is kind of a late hour, right? Right?)

Aside from all that, not much else has been happening. Or if it has, I’ve been too preoccupied to notice. For the time being, we’re just muttering mutinous words under our breaths about how the weather forecasters keep promising a thunderstorm to blow away all this humidity, only to have a storm never even remotely manifest. The closest we’ve seen for the entire past month has been little more than a piffly spit of rain that actually ramped up the mugginess rather than cut it in half.

“But hey!” you insist. “Can’t you share something other than your pitiful bellyachings?!” Alas, I don’t really have all that much to give in terms of life-affirming and/or comical anecdotes. But at the very least, I can offer proof to Gaffney that there is still a Fanboys! Fic out there that’s being worked on before The Unnamable Fic is tackled once more….

(I know: shameless self-promotion. How could I betray your valued reading trust?! Well…I could always indulge in more emo-blog.)




“Look, you just can’t stampede into our series,” Dark Mayhem said. “Beyond it being just plain rude, you idiots are going to completely ruin everything we’ve managed to establish as canon.”

Rei glanced over at Carnage. “Your series has canon?”

“Well, it has at least two cannons,” Carnage said. “I’m going to be mounting those babies onto Escafanboy tonight too!”

Naturally, sweatdrops ensued. “Are we even talking about the same thing?” Rei asked him.

Of course, the ongoing conversation continued just as heatedly as before.

“Oho, like you Fanboys are any better?” the Narutard self-insert laughed derisively. “We’ve read up on each of you guys, studied your fics. There’s over twenty full-blown fanfics in your series, and in all that time what have you accomplished?”

“I’ve perfected my recipe for salsa,” Demolition offered.

Travis Tranquility gawked at him. “You what?!”

“Hey, don’t knock it until you’ve tried it,” Makoto said. “It really is good salsa.”

The Narutard pointed at Chaos. “And you’re the saddest avatar of them all.”

Chaos was of course indignant. “Why, I’ll have you know that I’m the lead character in this world!”

The enigmatic, normal-looking avatar paused for a few moments as he contemplated these bold, brilliant words. “But you don’t even serve any viable purpose,” he said, speaking for the first time. “You’re useless. You’re irrelevant. You’re the Gema Ball of this series.”

“Wha--I am not the Gema Ball!” Chaos exclaimed.


[Cue Gema floating through the living room!]


Gema: “One of us, gema… one of us, gema…”

Chaos: -.-;; “Hysteria, smite him.”

Hysteria: >) “Eyebeams!!!”


[Cue the eyebeams sizzling through the air & fragging Gema!]


With a rather dispassionate look on his face, Pesti-chan watched as the charred remains of Gema floated down onto the kitchen counter. “Well, I *was* going to eat that bowl of salad,” he sighed.

Minako could only scratch her head in confusion. “How did Hysteria hit that thing with her eyebeams if she’s still in the bathroom?”

“With the door closed too,” Ami added, now also perplexed.

“It’s one of life’s great mysteries,” Setsuna told them. “Try not to dwell on it or you’ll break your brain.”

They all turned to Usagi, who was writhing painfully (and yet so comically) on the floor as she grabbed at her head. “It huuuuuurts!” she sniffled.

“I warned you not to dwell on it,” Setsuna said, shaking her head.

Meanwhile, fuming about this newest slander against his already tarred-and-feathered name, Chaos stomped up to Anarchy. Anarchy casually glanced up from what was left of the six-pack of Yebisu beer she’d already consumed.

Summoning the very passion of his core being, Chaos slammed his hands down on the coffee table and stared Anarchy in the face. “Anarchy!”

Sipping her beer, Anarchy leaned back in an attempt to distance herself from the now teary-eyed Chaos. “Is there a particular reason you’ve turned into a blithering idiot, or is it just that time of day?”

“You don’t understand!” Chaos said, and pointed angrily at the normal-looking avatar. “He said I was the Gema Ball of this series!”

Anarchy’s eyes narrowed as she slowly turned her gaze to the aforementioned Newbie Sue. She glanced back at Chaos and said, “I have no idea what that means. Is it humiliating?”

“Absolutely!” Chaos said with a nod.

Anarchy shrugged and went back to drinking her beer. “Sounds accurate, then.”

“It is not!” Chaos shouted, once again slamming his palms down on the coffee table. Unfortunately he didn’t look before he slammed, and as such sent his hands right into the pointy bits of an errant Togepi. After a brief intermission wherein Nurse Minako volunteered to stitch up his hands, and Chaos instead went to another medical facility with nurses who weren’t so scary—


Dark Mayhem: “So where’d you go?”

Chaos: “Silent Hill.”

Hotaru: [sigh!] “You are such an idiot, Chaos-chan.”

Chaos: “What? Everything was fine so long as I walloped their grotesquely malformed bodies with my pick-axe every now and again.”


--Chaos took his cause back up with Anarchy. “As I was saying,” he continued. “It is not right, and I will not tolerate anyone insinuating I am the Gema Ball of this place.”

“Insinuate, hell!” the normal-looking avatar shouted across the room. “I’m blatantly stating it.”

Chaos spun around and glared at the rival Mary Sue. “Hush, you! I’ll show you how things are done in these fics. Anarchy, I demand an ass-kicking!”

Anarchy arched one of her eyebrows. “You’re sure?”

“Without question,” Chaos agreed, nodding smugly.

Anarchy sighed and slowly lifted herself off the couch. “If you insist.”

Twenty minutes and particularly brutal ass-kicking later, Chaos hobbled back into the apartment in crutches, covered in bandage wrappings. “Perhaps,” he warbled, “I should first have specified whose ass I wanted you to kick.”

“Oh,” Anarchy said in mild surprise. “You mean it wasn’t yours?”

“Why would you think that?!” Chaos exclaimed.

“I don’t know,” Anarchy said with a shrug. “It’s your perverted fetish, not mine.”

Labels: Captain Whineypants of the 51st Retail Legion, Curse of the Fanboys

posted by Phillip at 9:16 AM